Without You!

Pic courtesy : hdwallpapersonly.com
Without you, oh dear!

would I not be running around the lonely castle again, holding my dear life on my tired hands, terror-struck, on one of the freezing cold and blinding dark night, screaming for help that would never come from any existing direction but only my screams echo all along the stairway while my every step crushes the skeletal remains of an assorted species of mammals scattered all the way?

would I not be trembling again with fear when the chillness of a sharp cold blade whose blood stained handle is rusted drinking the life out of many as it slits open their silky throat not less smoother than a shiny knife a cheese block, by the power of the bearer?

would I not be witnessing again the horror of a gory, unspeakably grievous massacre of a colony that happened a hundred years ago before civilization brood?

would I not be getting scorched again by the flames the dragon gifts me with detest as I try to cross the mountains as part of my adventure?

would I not be longing again for at least a drop of tear so I could quench my thirst while I'm stranded in a desert for eternity surrounded by nothing but the burning sand that awaits, with hunger, my flesh to fail to move, at last?

would I not be hunted down again by the same troops whose secrets I revealed, lacking tolerance towards their atrocities?

would I not be digging the same floors of the cell with no other tools than my maimed fingers whose nails I haven't noticed missing, while I busied myself digging for the past four hundred and eighty minutes without a pause, desperate to escape?


without you, I'd be crying my heart out again and again for experiencing repeatedly the unbearable pain, grief and desperation,

if you were not there in my life,

I'd have fallen in love, head over heels, again and again with the lady of my life as I see her the first time every time.

I'd have enjoyed the prosperity of my life again and again which I obtained out of the diamonds I smuggled from the mines with broken bones hanging loose beneath the flesh, as the mist came to aid my heart-racing escape at the last minute.

I'd have been crowned the exceedingly powerful king of the world again and again as I feel the blood flooding in my veins with power and vanity and rule the world with nothing to be afraid of.

I'd have lived the most beautiful moments of my live over and again with no shades of boredom.

The trust,

you have in me even when I leave you stranded is nothing anyone in the world has seen.


'd wait for me with hope.


'd wait, in the very same spot I left you, for my return which you'd not know with certainty.


'd wait with praying for me to be alive and return any time.

thou, the faithfullest, how shalt I return the faith of thine .

You'd be there to help me when I'm lost and confused.

You'd help be there to guide me where to continue my life from.

Without you,

wouldn't everything I read be similar to the screenplay of Nolan's memento?

O! dear BOOKMARK, forever am I indebted to thee for the service you render in silence.

The Vulnerables!

Image Courtesy: John's Consciousness
The cloudy curtains that she wore were ripped off against her will.

Disrobed by the vicious winds stood there, the naked sky, where myriad creatures eyed her from the dark, which they even relish repeating the entire night.

While the dark sky was lit only by the lightning that struck unusually often on a strange evening, I was journeying back home. Stood on the opposite entrance of the railcar not being bothered by the riffraff, I let the mind take a stroll, on the silent streets of random thoughts.

A flock of feathers were flapping quietly in the abandoned sky. Missing the last rays of the Sun a dozen pairs were journeying home under the carbon black canopy.

The happy thoughts of being back at home, sleeping under the warmth of a fellow bird, forgetting their lives as birds, sleeping through the entire night, waiting for the sun rays to increase their blood temperature besides announcing their time of flight the next morning, hindered the perils en route.

Near blind, compared to Eagles, aren't we?

If the flock can't escape even our blessed sight, what chance do they stand against the hawk-eyed?

Not necessarily be a light speed missile but the simple throw of a stone could tear their wings and crash them down in no time.

Clutched under the claws of the mighty eagle, whose glistening eyes reflect the fear of death of the helpless captive, wouldn't they submit to their bloody fate, the vulnerables.

Spinning like a crashing plane whose tail's on fire, from the birds, my mind fell back into the vacant skull, striking a chord that made me wonder,
'Vulnerables, aren't we all, for either an eagle or another sea gull?'

Tagore - A Poet's Mind - Pg.74

Q: What's This? 
A: A simple attempt to see what the Poet shows, with my own mind. More to come.

My flower, seek not thy
paradise in a fool's buttonhole.

பூவாய் பரிணமித்து, 
(பூவையர்) பிண்ணிய கூந்தலில் குடி புகுவதில்

உங்கள் மோட்சம் ஏது? 


அரசாங்கம் சீர் படனும்
விளைநிலமெல்லாம் அரசுடைமை ஆகனும்.

வீட்டுக்கொருவன் உழுது தரனும்
உழுபவனுக்கு உணவே ஊதியம் ஆகனும்.

வயலிலும் வெயிலிலும் அவன் காய்தலானாலும்
வாழ்விலும் வளத்திலும் அவன் தாழ்தலாகாது.

பட்டனத்தான் போற்றிடும் பட்டாளத்தானும்
போற்ற வேண்டும் இந்த படி அளப்பானை.

உழவன் வாழ்விற்கு உத்திரவாதம் வரனும்
கிழவன் ஆயினும் அவன் மதிக்க படனும்.

2BHK  வீடு கட்ட உலக ஜனம் வேறு இடம் தேடனும்
இன்றேல், விளைநிலத்தில் கட்டிய வீட்டின் 'K'இல் சமைக்க கல்லும் கரித் துண்டுமே மிஞ்சிடும்.

Travelogue: PAN (Gutka) Eastern and Central India

1 - Ek

2 - Dho

3 - Theen

4 - Chaar

5 - PAN...

How could an entire state or a region have learnt the numerics like this? Because that's how it seemed to me.

A common man addictively consuming Pan in public and blessing everyone with a sprinkle of the holy red concentric liquid mixture of their heavenly smelling saliva and the healthy juice of the Beetel leaves couldn't have possibly driven me to mention it in a blog. Well, you know, that's the Indian TRADITION and one shall not be surprised or taken aback.

But, Alas!

(A few) Cultured men, tutors and even laureates whose dressing sense is no less than those of 'Hollywood James Bonds' are utterly failing to notice that their mouths look no different than an ancient sink, aging a few billion years, used by the Tyrannosauraus where they spit the excess blood and the unchewable remains during a delicious dinner. We all know how the Tyrannosauraus are trolled all over 'Facebook' for their shorter arms and obviously with those arms they could never have cleaned the Sinks. And, that's how the mouths looked like whence comes the explanation of 'Otto Cycle and MOSFET' and great ideas for educational reformation.

No matter how hard you try you could never ignore the existance of a respectable community of artists for whom their Teeth is the canvas on which creativity is splashed (LITERALLY) all over with a unique solution very skillfully mixed using tools not any other than their own teeth and the tactical tongue which handily becomes the Brush to paint their master piece which they put for exhibition everytime they smile at you.
One shall not assume that I'm complaining one region like the region I belong to is free from Pan. Pan is all around in one form or the other but the usage and the spread are not alike. I've never seen a school in any other place where they have thought to highlight with pride, 'PAN FREE CAMPUS' on the compund wall besides the name of the founder.

Parents and tutors are the role models whence the children and learners learn their habits. Pan, they have adopted, even more efficiently and enthusiastically without disappointing or failing their models.

There was a time when I had to wait for a train scheduled for 8 hours thence in Guwahati, Assam while I chose to walk and look around near the railway station for some 15 minutes than to sit idle, that too immediately after dawn but ended up spending 6 hours sitting in a tourist park.

When  I say park one ought to know how difficult it is (if not impossible) to find a seat to sit in a PARK than finding one in a crowded Mumbai train.

Now, don't imagine the park to have a legion of tourists.

There were around 50 seats very generously spaced and there wan't one more person than 50 pairs ranging from 'infatuated infants still in school uniforms' to 'hopeful hippies' and each has taken an entire seat for themselves. While if it was a place where I could also contribute in an argument if one breaks out between me and others I would have taken one seat ignoring the pair. But there, I couldn't do anything such, as if they are unhappy or annoyed, no matter how logical or rightful my explanations are, they would never understand.

Thus mentally fixing this in mind I scooted around trying to find a place to lay my bag while I rest and finally found a seat where there were 3 school boys who were talking and laughing louder than it is required except if any of their hearing is impaired. I eventually found that their AURO Audio effect is because of a group of dames standing a few feet away with the same school uniform whose attention these Romeos were trying to get and were succeeding occasionally. They could not be older than a 10th standard student and after every two sentence they finish speaking (or spitting) they spit the PAN (with style) after hitting a look at the girls.

I could not help but wonder how the girls are not offended by this action. In movies and real life I've seen since my childhood, when someone looks at you and then Spits, it is an expression of insult and with the utterance of 'Thuth theri...' the insult is stronger and deeper. However it was different there.

A Bus driver, a ticket vendor, a TTE, the Principals and the Correspondents, a watchman, a cab driver and with an exception of a few everyone mentioned or failed to be mentioned here chew and spit all around and round the clock.
One time there was a professor with a doctorate and a countable number of years of experience, dressed so perfect in a cosy car, was driving me to their institution. The car slowed down after crossing a speed breaker and the Professor suddenly opened the front door of the car and leaned out far and I was unable  to choose between shock and terror for I had no idea what he was up to. He leaned so low and so far ignoring the road and the vehicles in the front and SPAT. I was only relieved when his eyes met the road after he returned to his original driving posture. That was the first and last time to be surprised and then I have started to predict what's coming every time the car slows down.

There was another occasion where I was waiting at the railway station where a group of about 10 or 12 local people (looked more like the tribal) settled around me as there was enough room for 3 more people to sit in. Even while many others sitting around me until then started to move away one by one, I chose not to leave my seat as I had to wait for 3 more hours. 

It would be so foolish of me not to expect them to consume pan or spit it around while I've seen sophisticated men do it all the time even within the campus of an educational institution.

All of a sudden one woman in the group had a 'CIGAR' on her mouth. One as lengthy and as the one which 'Ajith has in the ASAL movie poster' and she ignited it which I did not look at first. Confused with the strange smell and the strong smoke I looked up and was taken aback with an expression of disapproval and annoyance seeing which one of the men in the group shouted something indecipherable to the lady and she moved a feet away smiling ashamedly at him and looking at me. Relieved I was, thanking the man, who advised her to move away, with a smile.

With common men I had at least the chance to express my vexation which I have not with the cultured and well-versed who should naturally be mindful of the troublesomeness it might cause to others. 


அருகினில், நீ அமர்கையில் வாங்கிடும் மூச்சிற்கு
இருதுளை நாசிதான் எப்படி போதும், என் சுவாசமே?

தேகம் முழுதும்,
தோல் துவரங்கள் சில இலட்சமும்
சுவாசிக்கும் மனித தவளையென நான் மாறினும் தான்
எப்படி போதுமடி?

மூச்சும் ஓர் புறம் திணறிட,

என்னில் அடங்கிய,
எண்ணில் அடங்கா நரம்புகள்
பிண்ணிய தோரனயில் என் தேகம்
அசைய மறுத்து தான் அங்கேயே
- உயிர் சடலம்.

ஒரு வழியாய் நானும்
சுயம் அறியும் முன்னே,

உன் தேகம் தீண்டியதொரு தென்றல்
எனையும் தழுவிட,
உறைந்திடாது எப்படி ஓடிடும் உதிரம், என் உடலினில்.

மூளைக்கும் பய்ந்திடுமோ ஓர் துளி? இனி மெல்ல,
நினைவுகள் நழுவிட, மெதுவாய்
கண்களும் சொருகிட, நானும்
மயங்கியே விழுந்திட, கொடுப்பாய்
உன் மடியினை.

ஒளி தா!

சூரிய உலையில் சிலிகானும் உபரியும் உருக்கி
அண்டம் கொள்ளா பந்தினை படைத்தான்
கண்ணாடி பந்தினை படைத்தான்.

பல கோடி நூறாண்டுகள் கையினில் தாங்கி
தானே தன் கையால் பட்டையும் தீட்டி
பாரில் இல்லா பளபளப்பும் பூசி, ஒளியும் சேர்த்தான்,
மின்னிடும் ஒளியும் சேர்த்தான்.

வெற்று வானில்,
பல ஒளிஆண்டுகள் தொலைவில்,
சிறு கதிரும் தப்பிடா இருளினில்,
மின்னும் பந்திற்கோர் வண்ணம் சேர்த்தான்,
கரிய ஓர் வண்ணம் சேர்த்தான்…

நீ தோன்றிய பொழுதினில்,
உன் விழியினில்
அதைப் பதித்தான், படைத்தவன் உன்
விழியினில் அதை பதித்தான்.

அவன் தன் கைவண்ணம் நான் வியக்க வேண்டி, முன்னே,
என் கண் முன்னே உனையும் நிறுத்திச் சென்றான்;

பார்த்தேன்; புகழ்ந்தேன்.
அவன் திறன் புகழ்ந்தேன்.

’அருகினில் சென்று
ஆராய்வாய்!’ என்று
ஆசையும் தூண்டிட, நெருங்கினேன்,
அருகினில் நெருங்கினேன்.

அகில பிரபஞ்சமும்
அதிலேச் ஓர் புள்ளியும்
என எனையும் காட்டிற்றே!
உன் விழி தான் எனையும் காட்டிற்றே.

உறைந்தே, சிலை என நான் நின்ற நேரம்,
இமை திரை வீழ்த்தி விழியினை அடைத்தாய்,
என் உலகமே!
அந்நொடி முதல் என் உலகமே இருண்டதே.

இருளினில் இன்றும், இன்னல்கள் கொள்கிறேன்,
விழியினை நீயும் என்றடி திறப்பாய், தீபமே, என்
சிறு உலகும் மீண்டும் ஒளி பெற?

பதில் கடிதம் தொடுப்பாய்!

மணிக்கொரு கடிதம் மனதினில் முடித்து;
செல்லும் இடமெல்லாம் அதை தான் சுமந்து
நீ இல்லா இடம் எல்லாம் இருப்பதாய் நடித்து
வருடங்கள் பல கொடுத்தும் வந்தேன், என் கவியே!
நீ என்று பதில் கடிதம் தொடுப்பாய் என்றே!

Travelogue 2 - The Nagala TREK (2 of 2)

(contd. from here)

Mesmerising, the sight was, on the other side of the slope. A pond with trees long dead, standing stiff and slanting with their twin reflections on the serene water.

'In the Jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight' was playing aloud in my head while we entered the real jungle.

Then we reached the first Pool (in fact that was the first and last pool for my trek). But, the trekkers on other adventure treks go beyond this and more.

Disappointed. And why?

Shouldn't the sight of a pool have excited me, for I'm from 'Chennai' who gets to see large water resources to be either salty or just due to poor maintenance of the drainage system.

I'll tell you why I the disappointment was.

It had rained the previous night and the pond water was thoroughly disturbed. The water in itself was too dark and dusty.

Having seen the photographs of the previous trekkers paying with the tiny fishes which comes and nibbles their feet this was definitely not the sight I expected.

Would you not be disappointed if you look at an iPhone in the ad and get a 'Grahambell' invented model telephone for the same price from the same showroom with same name. Deceived I was, not by the organizers (no, they're cool) but by nature.

Peter, Tilak and few other experienced trekkers and organisers discussed for a minute and started to unpack their backs, taking out all the balloons and inflated the tubes for the kids.

Even before I could think if they will find another better pool, everyone was in the pool. Yes, the very same, dirty, stirred, black pond to have the best times of their lives.

Watching everyone so excited and splashing the water over each other, laughing out loud, shouting and screaming while escaping from the ones trying to splash water on them, I, with regret threw myself in the pond like everyone else.

I was floating with the help of the tubes (though I could swim like a rock, I didn't want to show off my swimming skills) which were originally meant for kids.

I realised, water is more like a bunch of good friends. When we are surrounded by them, we find ourselves being happy for no reason at all.

Few came forward to teach me to swim but I was just floating with the help of the tubes and went on asking them, 'Am I swimming, now? okay, now? hey, how about now?'.

Well, at least they were able to bear the nuisance to an aspiring swimmer all well.

Enjoyed it.

Swimmers turned Divers:

Then the swimmers became divers. After failing in swimming, I wanted to try diving while a mighty hand of fear held my heart so firm that it wouldn't ebb as the my body hits the water.

Despite the warning from the experienced, I got ready for my first dive.

So, the fearless Penguin, with the Tube around it, climbed up the rock and stood third in a queue for its turn with a second thought of backing off.

Finally, My turn! My turn! My turn!

Before jumping though, I made a request to one in the pool to immediately look for me if he doesn't see my head on the surface within 10 seconds.

And then went the great jump (or the great fall as it should be professionally termed).


A few seconds on air and then a sudden thud I heard, as my ears were already filled with water and went a few inches deep into the pool. The pond on the other side, where the diving happens was deeper and thanks to the tube for I reached the surface while still alive.

In 2 minutes I was not to be found anywhere in the pond, for... 'hey! look over there, on top of the rock! there I was, again for my next fall.'

Fell/Jumped again and again and again and again and...

While other did somersault and more acrobatics I wanted to do a straight dive, you know, head first. I know the first time one wouldn't get it right and I was no exception, at least the damage was not severe.

Hit! Hurt! pained and suffered! but was fun.

Then again I went up the rock and would I try to dive again? No. Jump! Jump, you little froggy, keep jumping!

On the other side of the pond people sat under a very small stream which flowed like a mini fountain where the force was stronger.

Sitting under it was like visually seeing one's favourite Music flowing inside the body and their musical symbols floating around slowly loudly and softly. The force that crushes ones ego making him weak and fills him with peace and builds him up stronger than he was before.

It would be safe to just say that the peace and calmness experienced then was and will never (I hope against it, though) be experienced anywhere else and in anything else.

Humbled in front of the might of water.

When even the voice of one's own mind is not heard, BLISS, it was indeed!


Travelogue 2 - The Nagala TREK (1 of 2)

This, in fact, should have been the first travelogue.

Like many who want to feel the Adrenaline rush in their vein, I did, and that was probably the only reason for me to opt for a trek experience.

As recommended by a good fiend, I joined the Chennai Trekking Club (CTC) which is a large group of trekkers.

By nature, I'm a person who would desire to do a lot and end giving it up because of lack of information (or lack of interest in getting to know) to go forward. But, this was a different story. The details were too easy to obtain.

So, I went online; joined the CTC google groups.

I'm put up closer to Perambur, Chennai.

The available meeting points were,
1. Thiruvanmiyur at 5.30 am
2. Koyambedu (C.M.B.T) at 6.30 am
3. Periyar Nagar (near Perambur) at 7.30 am

Since 'CMBT' was the name familiar to me than 'Periyar Nagar' (though it's within 5 km), so I chose '5.30 am in CMBT'.

'FINALLY, for the first time, I'm really gonna go on a trek; climb the mountains; walk into the wilderness; plunge my blessed face into the cold water, preserved in the roots, flowing along.'

Excited I was, living it all in the dreamy land. The night didn't seem to move on. Excitement let me not to fall asleep.

Rose, I, with an excitement that hasn't spilled an ounce; packed and was ready by 4.30.

For everyone the trek started by 8.30 am. but for me it started by 4.30 am. right when I stepped out of the house.

I was perfectly ready for the trek in a Black T-Shirt, Army-Green Tracks and a Bloody Red cap to meet the team at CMBT. (try not to visualize - for your own safety!)

15 minutes past, no bus turned up. 30 minutes and an hour past, none.

It was 6 and I was sure even if I get a bus after that I would not reach the boarding point but hey said they could wait upto 6.45 which was still not a possible time for me to reach there. Regretted the decision of choosing to go on a trek. Cursed everyone who recommended me to take a bus at this time and called the coordinator.

I was adivised to join them in Periyar Nagar directly at 8 am for that is closer to Perambur. Took an auto to 'Agaram' which was just 10 mins away and from there I walked for 15 minutes to find a bank as mentioned by the Tilak (another coordinator).

"Stand in from of the bank, your back facing the bank. Now you will find the road split into three. One on the right and one ahead of you and the last on your left. Take the one towards the left", these were the directions given, like one instructs a 10 year old.

I kept walking and it was almost  7 when I saw a Black Scorpio pass me and a very good speed, followed by a few cars at regular gaps.

While I was thinking if this is a part of the 'Trek Team' one car stopped near me and a guy with spectacles and a Shorts with a mobile in his hand got out of the car asking if I was the one who kept on calling asking for directions.

With my identity confirmed as a nuisance caller they took me in and within 50 feet the cars came to a halt. The boarding point, that was.

A place which I could have reached in (10 minutes in auto + 15 minutes of walk) nearly 25 minutes for which I have spent (30 minutes walk to Perambur bus stand + 5 minutes walk to Railway station + the 25 minutes of actual travel and slightly over a whole hour of waiting) around 2 hours and 30 plus minutes.

Applauding (silently) my own self for my geographical knowledge, I joined the group.

Then the engines started with three to four kids in each car, we started from the HOME of those kids.

There were new places, narrow roads, little huts, smaller buildings, variety of flora and a lot.

A feeling was there! Peace! Happiness and joy!

After reaching the spot we climbed a slope with everyone assigned a kid to be taken care of. 'Roja' was the little girl, whom I had to take care of though out the trek. There was a group shot taken once everyone climbed the first slope. (probably for the 'Before and After trek' or whatever)

(contd. here)

Do you believe in God or Science?

Having added a few BBC documentaries to the download queue I waited to initiate the 'Download' process at 2.00 am (well, it's not the best data plan, but what to do?). As it was just 11.30 pm I chose to watch a movie until then which has led me to write this.

Contact (1997):  7.3 - IMDB Rating (This is not a movie review)

Contact (1997) Poster

Of the 150 minutes the movie simply throws a hundred questions that intrigues a few hundred more in your mind, not just related to science and beliefs but also on truth and delusion, facts and faiths, approved and accepted.

More than E.T life discovery, wormhole, space travel, science fiction and the other science stuff dealt with, this movie a lot about a scientist's life, beliefs and struggle against those of the rest of the world naturally.

The pain of being neither able to concord with others' beliefs nor get an opportunity to prove them wrong is cruel. Rejection of any material is nothing compared to the rejection of one's own ideas and beliefs.

People might say 'world is what you make out of it'. Well, it's more like saying a structure (like a material structure or community based on ideology) is what you design and construct. Nothing could sound truer if one is to design and construct on an empty space.

But is the world we live in an empty space? Is it not already loaded with beliefs, some backed by facts and others by mere faith. Questioning the belief of the majority of Earth's population is not considered very wise especially when that 95% is a community that is just afraid of taking up the responsibility of their own actions and consequences but just is contented with fatalism.

One cannot simply make the world as he believes it should be even if it should be so.

Across the world the human life expectancy is 67.2 years (says wikipedia, may or may not be correct and that doesn't matter much anyway). During these years some of us want to find out whether what we are told is true and strive for evidences so as to educate the future leading them to development where they could be surrounded by sound facts (religious or scientific whichever is proven right) while the others are just happy to believe what was told to them and continue to lead the next generation into the same darkness they dwelt happily. Surely ignorance is bliss.

Following the previously laid patterns and beliefs holds harmony in one's life while on the other hand advancement needs experimentation which, of course, comes with a few risks.

Are we afraid to admit that questioning and experimentation may eventually demolish the foundation over which 'the morals and principles of living' constructed over the years?

'Do (as bid) and Move (as said)' will not be plausible in a community that seeks an explanation for 'Why and What, if not?'

You response to the question 'Do you believe in God or Science?' either earns you acceptance and recognition in a community or tags you  as 'not be trusted or heeded to' and simply disqualifies your statements and beliefs no matter how factual they are.

The irony is that this is the qualifying question even in fields which has nothing to do with one's religious and scientific belief.

On a land where majority of the humans walk on two feet and strain to maintain balance, one who bends his torso and puts his hands on the ground like an ape and walks feeling perfectly comfortable would be laughed at and be called a stupid.

People tend to follow a system or scheme, howsoever unstable it is, just to be accepted in the human community and in fear of being tagged as a circus ape.

Minds stubborn enough not to accept even the proven facts, on the other hand, could never be helped.

If one's beliefs towards religion or science has no impact on his reputation, respect or nature I wonder if the whole lot will still be clinging to those beliefs however fictional or factual they are?

I wish one day everyone could understand that beliefs are one's own way to find harmony and ones beliefs are not to be inflicted on others just because one could, with his power.

In a Nutshell:

Image Courtesy : http://www.facebook.com/TROLLindiaofficial

வின்மீண்களுடனே நீ வாழ்வாய்

வானம் தாண்டும் ஆசை சுவாலைகள்
மேகத்திற்கு தீயிட்டு தேகத்திற்கு அனல் மூட்ட,
உயிரும் செந்தணழில் வேகையிலே,

பார்வையாலே குளிர் ஊட்டி,
என் உயிருக்குள் ஈரம் சேர்த்தாய்.

உறைந்த நெஞ்சத்தில் உனை வடித்தேன்
நிறைவடையும் முன்னே,
என் விரலில் உலியும் பாய
இயற்கையை சபித்தேன்.
வலியில் துடித்தேன்.

உயிர் சிலையும் நிறைவடைய
உனக்கும் அதை காட்ட,
துணிச்சலுக்கும் தயக்கதுக்கும் இடையில் உதைப்பட்டேன்.

ஒரு வழியாய்,
கண்டாய், உடன் எனை ஏற்றுக் கொண்டாய்,
பேரின்பத்தில் எனை மூழ்கடித்துக் கொன்றாய்.

ஈசல் அளவினது என் இதயம்
இமயம் அளவினது இன்பம் எப்படி கொள்ளும்?

மூச்சும் திணறிற்று!

பொடியன் என
ஆக்கினாய் எனை !

மென் காற்றில்



சின்னஞ்சிறு மகரந்தமும் இன்று,
வெண் பனிக்கு மாற்றாய்
மஞ்சல் பனி மூடிய இமயம் என வளர்ந்து
எனையும் சிறைக் கொள்ளும்!

மலருக்குள் எனை தள்ளினாய்,
ஓர் துளி தேனில் மூச்சிறைக்க நீந்தச் செய்தாய்.

மென்மலர் மேலமர்ந்து வண்டுகள்
தேனுண்டு உச்சுக் கொட்டும் சப்தம்
இடி சப்ததின் மத்தியிலும் இரசிக்க பழக்கினாய்!

எத்தனைப் பெரிய இன்பங்கள் பரிசளித்தாய்!

சுவாசக் காற்றிற்கும் என்னுள் இடம் இல்லாமல்
இனபத்தால் உயிரினை நிறைத்தாய்!

இத்தனைச் சிரிய இதயம் எனதே, அதில்
உனை நானும் எப்படி



கண் இமைக்கும்

காலமெல்லம் கடமைபடுவேன்

விடைக் கொடுத்து செல்வாய், 

வின்மீண்களுடனே நீயும் வாழ்வாய்!

Travelogue - 1 : Chennai - Rajamundry - Chennai (Part 3 or 3)

Contd. from here

Was happy that I'm going to reach there on time and not going to miss the bus. Finally, going home was confirmed.

The boy showed his college on the way. Then he told me that my stop was nearing. He stood up and tapped hard on the roof, loud enough for the driver and conductor to hear. Unlike as it would happen in many places they looked back and stopped the bus, without complaining. I got down, thanking him.

Then I saw and knew why Sakshi papers is famous. It is not a OLD paper mart. It looks like a paper factory. Big and functioning even at that time. It seemed like a 24 hours working factory.

Then I went behind the Sakshi papers, taking a steep and stood on the National Highway as I've been directed. So, Finally I reached the boarding point at around 9.15 pm.

And then I remembered that I missed something and it turned out to be 'Dinner'. With all the tension not to miss the buss I missed my dinner. There was not a single restaurant even roadside restaurant or something near the National Highway.

I rang up the driver to confirm that I've reached and he was not sure if I'm on the correct point. I tried explaining him my location and told him that there is a milestone with '300' or something mentioned on it but still he was not sure. Anyway I confirmed him my location and he was happy to know that I'm Tamil, and felt comfortable talking in Tamil after that. I clearly told him where exactly I was standing, he said he would be there by 10 (the actual boarding time was 11).

I had around 45 minutes to find a restaurant or a shop to finish my dinner. With all the travel, I was really hungry. 'Give us the Food', demanded the intestines.

I came off the National highway but there was not even a light on the road. There was a home behind the road, I got off the road and like visiting a neighbour, I walked straight to them to see their faces changing with a question. There was a old woman and a lady and a lad who were discussing something. I went to them and asked them 'Hotel - Nearby?, Hotel - Dinner'. I understood from whatever they were trying to say that there are no hotels nearby, I will have to walk for 15 minutes on the same side I came from to find a hotel.

With not many options left I started walking on the same direction. I had my mobile's screen turned on and held it towards the back to ensure not the one or two fast moving cars or bus run over me. 10 minutes past I reached a petrol bunk on the way and couldn't find any other shop or any place with a light. I enquired a Punjabi lorry driver there and he told me to walk a little further.

And as he said there was a restaurant which was closing when I found it. I tried if I could get anything at least the 'Air-filled-LAYS pack', but I got nothing. They pointed me to another restaurant on the opposite side some 50 ft away.

Then I reached the place where I can get something to feed myself with. It was in fact a roadside restaurant. I guessed they could understand 'Dinner, rice' and they did. I ordered rice and they had Sambar and it was good. I have tasted the 'bulls-eye' in roadside shops and they were in fact good. So I boldly ordered one.

Within 5 minutes they brought me an omelette. I told the server that I wanted 'Half-boil' and not omelette. The guy stood there for a second and went back taking it. The owner who was sitting asked what it was and he came saying it will also be delicious and gave it to me.

I thought he would not understand even if I want to argue.

And as my wisdom suggested that I do not argue but take the omelette considering the factors he was gigantic and he would not understand any thing I would say.

Then he advised the cook that 'Half boil should not be burnt on both sides'. So, that's when the cook learnt how to make an half-boil and I had to learn that when you have no half-boil and served an omelette and advised that it would be delicious by a gigantic figure I should accept it happily.

Then, when I paid the bill he took half the money for the omelette. That made the owner a 'gentleman in lungi'.

I was able to see the Bus stop from where I took the bus to the boarding point in fact closer to the point where I had my dinner. Again I walked all the way down to the boarding point.

Finally, finished the dinner. Nothing more to worry about or anything. The bus would come in another 5 minutes I will take the bus I would reach home by morning 5 and will get a good sleep for 3 hours and then will start for office and claim the 'dinner' bill.

I rang the driver. He said he would be there may be in another half an hour's time. Okay then I would reach a bit late i thought. He said he would call me once he reaches Raval palam (I remembered the place when we traveled the previous day. It would take

about half an hour from there to reach the bus stand. But I was not sure of how long it would take to reach the 'Sakshi Papers').

15 minutes past I did not receive any call from him. So I rang again. He said there was an accident in Raval palam and there is a huge traffic Jam so he would be delayed by an hour.

I could understand that he has nothing to do with this and none can do anything about this but to wait. It was 11 and I received no updates from the driver.

There was one another guy who came after me and he got picked by some other bus when I thought it could also pick me, but left me behind.

I rang the driver again he was kind of irritated with continuous calls and the traffic jam. I could understand that as well but what are my other options?

'He was not sure if I'm at the right boarding point' and I could not afford to miss the bus.

It was around 11.30 and then 12. No calls and the number of buses/lorries on the side I'm standing decreased and reached nearly one for every 15 minutes.

Well, unlike when I stay at home awake till 2 am or 3 am while online, I felt tired and sleepy of course.

I have been standing since 9 pm and have been walking to and fro with the Heavy bag for more than 30 minutes and I wanted badly to sit for sometime. The road that I was standing on was not meant to sit. There was a big pit behind me and it looked like 'Chennai's Koovam'. The boarding point was in fact the 'unloading point' for the passengers and lorry drivers.

I could only stand there.

There was one time when I was not sure where I was standing and I thought I slept standing. I in fact would have fallen on the road or even on the pit behind.

Standing on one point seemed to dangerous then on. I called the driver by around 12.30 just to know that he has not moved even an inch from the point where he was when i called him by 11.30. It was a major accident with a 'lorry hanging out of the bridge', and the lorry needs to be cleared for the other vehicles to use the road.

Standing on one point being decided to be dangerous I decided to walk across the road to and fro. I left the bag as the mid point and started walking 10 feet to the left and then 10 to the right. Was feeling better. It was cold, and i had a towel which was good enough to cover my neck and shoulders.

But walking was also making me more tired.

Then came the wonderful idea.

That day I realised that 'Music can save one's life'.

Well you know about Sony's battery capacity. I had to decide either my life or phone's life. I knew the phone would be dead in about 2+ hours. But, if I don't use it then I would be even before that.

I plugged in my apple earphones and started playing songs, a bit louder than normal to ensure that I don't sleep.

3 or 4 songs past I started feeling sleepy again.

Then I decided, to live long
I have to sing along.

I started singing.

Well it was in one way good that none was around or none travelling will hear me singing. So I started to sing along and really aloud.

Never knew that I could sing the whole Hindhi song. Language or 'not able to understand what the lyrics are'  was no hurdle to me.

I sang along all the songs. Hindhi, English and Tamil with whatever words that was closer to the lyrics. I was really amazed with my ability to sing full songs.

I continued singing for the next one and half hours and my phone was almost dead. The LED light started to blink red every second. Ignoring that and even forgetting that I was singing just to keep me awake, I enjoyed my singing skills and appreciated myself at the end of every song and continued singing.

I did not look at the watch as it would not make me or the situation any better. Then came a bus with the name 'SRM' travels.

The driver stopped and was explaining why the delay was even when i did not demand for an explanation. 'kochikadheenga annen, oru lorry paalathula kavundhiduchi, thongitu irundhuchu, nambaludhu than adhula 4'avdhu vandi traffic la mattikiduchu'nu he explained and he didn't even ask for a ticket. Then I went in.

For the record this was the first time I was travelling on a 'Sleeper' bus. It was like a train and there could be roughly only 20 passengers in that bus. It looked like a train coach and I realised why the ticket cost was that much when I went in.

I went to my seat (in fact bed). Then falling right on my bed slept within minutes.

When I woke up it was around 6 and we were still travelling. I went to the driver and it was different guy. I thought for a second if anyone has changed me from one bus to another. It was like when I was a baby I would sleep on the floor and wake up from the bed.

Then I understood that the driver has changed and this guy could not speak English or Tamil but only Telugu.

The place I was crossing was not familiar to me. I came to know that it would take around 2 more hours to reach CMBT.

Then I came back to my bed sat there  for some time then pulled my bag and came out to sit on the front near the driver.

I saw a toll gate and I remembered it was the route from Nellore towards CMBT via Retteri junction.

So I sat there and waited for Retteri and then finally I reached home.

Sound and safe.

There was one thing I did not understand then.

Why should all the journey's I make is different from others'?

Everyone plan a travel and travel according to the plan and why only in my case there is always a change in the plan?

Now I realise that it happens for me to create a travelogue and remember everything that only I've been through in place of a simple 'Travel as per to the plan'.

*** END ***

Travelogue - 1 : Chennai - Rajamundry - Chennai (Part 2 or 3)

Contd. from here...

There was one another guy who looked exactly like the comedians from the Malayalam movies, said he was from Kerala, and was with the Tata motors for some 2 years and has settled in A.P.

When I saw him I thought only about coconuts! Don't really know why he reminded me of coconuts.

He said a name that I don't remember now. He should be around 27 or 28.

Started asking about me and my purpose of visit and further travel plans. Well! even if I do not need someone to talk to, I really was in a need of someone who could understand what I was saying and help me out with the 'Bus stoppings' to know my 'stop'.

While we were talking the driver soon joined the conversation as well. He could understand English to some extent and also could say a few sentences in Tamil.

Him joining the conversation would have not been a problem to me if he had continued to look at the road while talking / driving.

This driver, turned his head half to the back and looked at me whenever he wanted to say anything or when he wanted to listen anything that we address him.

It was not a very wide road at all.

It was too narrow and had space exactly for a bus and a cycle to travel at a time.

But at times there were buses and other big vehicles coming on the opposite side. Whenever this driver turns I would look at the road if anyone is coming on the opposite direction, getting myself ready to scream if there arises any emergency situation, to alert everyone. Luckily, there wasn't a need for me to scream.

But, there was a time when he continued to maintain the same speed (for that road it was really too rash) even when he saw an auto coming on the opposite direction. I bet he would have met his great grandfathers in heaven that day if he had not gone off the road and stopped, letting the bus to go first. The driver totally ignored the auto and maintained the same speed.

At this rate, him taking his eyes off the road often would not guarantee the safety of many lives. So, when a seat got cleared up at the next stop I took it immediately, behind the driver and spoke nothing to him any more.

The Keralite was imitating the driver when ever the driver hits a speedbreaker without bothering to reduce the speed and we were thrown to sky and fall back on our seats experiencing an adventure equivalent to sky diving.

This guy enjoyed the travel like he was travelling on it for the first time, he was so excited about the journey but I was terror-struck.

The bus went off the road on either side at times and he imitated the actions of the driver steering the wheel with all perfection and excitement.

Finally, the place I have to get down to get another bus, came. It was so relieving that the next trip was not on a another 'Road to hell' but a highway.

Before getting off the bus, the driver and the Tata motors guy where giving me all the instructions about where I need to find the bus. Thanking them whole for helping me reach that place alive at last, I got down.

Then I waited on the other side of the road for another bus. And within 5 minutes a bus came. I asked the driver if that bus will go to 'Sakshi Papers', behind which is my boarding point. When I heard the name Sakshi papers I thought, 'how am I going to find this old newspaper mart at that time of the night' anyway I will have to take the help of co-passengers, as in all cases.

The conductor said something that I would not understand. 'Why these people say too many things just to make sure I do not get the point, in places where they can use a simple 'Yes' or 'No''?

From whatever he intended to say I made my mind that that bus was not going towards my destination. The bus was staged there may be for getting more passengers for about 10 more minutes.

Meanwhile waiting there, I saw an old man who was fully drunk and there were two other old men and a lady standing beside him. The drunkard was talking, or rather shouting something very loudly to the other old guy and the other guy was getting irritated and angry. None cared to look at them. I had a sudden impulse to record this as a video. But didn't want to lose my phone so I resisted the thought. But the nuisance grew large. He started to push the other guy and I thought there will be a fist fight. But the lady pulled the other guy away and avoided the fight. The drunkard was looking for someone else then. Luckily I felt like I was wearing an 'Invisibility Cloak'. He did not come any closer to me but moved away from the bus stop.

I can't even understand the normal people speaking and they can't respond to me, in this situation any sort of conversation or argument with him would just be least thing I would like to happen.

Then I inquired one more person on the bus stand and he pointed me to the bus that I already inquired.

I just got into the bus without asking the conductor and checked with one more boy, who turned out to be B.Tech student in a nearby college and was able to understand and speak good English.

Then I started towards the boarding point.